The 3Rs We Need Right Now: Recognize, Respect and Reciprocate

By Janlee Wong, MSW

As we mourn our losses due to gun violence in the past year, we ask What we can do as social workers? We focus on gun violence because it is more of something that we can control and reduce, unlike accidents and natural disasters.

As social workers we are trained to study human behavior and to respect the dignity and worth of an individual no matter what they have done. We are trained to probe the psyche and to understand beyond the superficial, particularly the part that culture, race and upbringing influence. One might argue how can we respect dignity and worth of all individuals, especially the killers and murderers. Yet every day dedicated social workers work with convicted and imprisoned murderers so that their health and mental health improves and that someday they may glimpse their own insight on what they have done and make amends. Those are Rs we also believe in: redemption and rehabilitation.

First, we must recognize individuals, people and communities for who they are and what they have gone through. We want all of us to recognize this, not just social workers. We want the general public, leaders and media to do what we as social workers do. Recognize and, by doing so, acknowledge people who are suffering or who are disadvantaged or who have developed so narrow a view that they see other human beings as so very different than themselves.

Once we have learned how to recognize this, we move to the next “R:” respect. Respect sounds simple but it isn’t. How can one tell they aren’t fully respecting others? It can start by learning one’s own dislikes of others. “I don’t like the way that person looks,” or “I don’t like that person is speaking a language I don’t understand (and it could even be English).” “I don’t like that person because he frightens me.” “I’m afraid of certain races.” Once we’ve recognized people for who they are, once we learn our own fears, then we can begin the process of respecting people as human beings. We can work on recognizing them for who they are. Then comes respect.

Again, one might say, How can you respect a killer or murderer? We are not respecting their heinous acts or aberrant behaviors. We know that something has led them to commit these acts. We respect that they are human beings but something happened to them that allowed them to commit these acts. I can accept a murderer as a human being but I can’t condone what they’ve done. I can respect a human being as being human but if I see them as subhuman, it would be hard to respect them.

The third “R is: reciprocate. As we learn to recognize and respect others, our hope is that by doing so, they reciprocate that same recognition and respect. Or if we don’t recognize and respect others, we can learn to do so when someone recognizes and respects us.

Sadly we don’t demonstrate the 3 “Rs” during the worst of times. If we are ever to stop the cycle of these tragedies, that is the time that we should be and do our very best. In our sensationalistic and thrill seeking society, our media wants to focus on contrasts, confrontation and conflicts. We as people may feel more alive when we see trouble, tragedy and trauma. We need as people to resist defining everything in stark polarized terms. Hopefully our media can reflect that in how they portray everything, rather than in these blunt and divisive terms.